Writing as an "Escape Goat"

A heartbreak can take the mind on a roller coaster of thoughts. This is a little bit of writing that I did while I was in mourning over a lost love.


I had a dream last night . It was dark, I was taking a midnight swim in the pool, the wind was cool, the water was warm, and the radio was softly singing sweet country tunes. As I quietly sang along to the lyrics of Anything But Mine I heard a shuffle of the leaves and turned my head slightly to see a shadow cascading towards the pool. My heart jumped to my throat, and I stopped singing the lyrics as I anxiously waited to see who was surprising me with company. Natural instincts sent my hands to my hair to make sure that the wet, wavy, layers were in place. I saw your face as you stepped from behind the gazebo, and the nervous feeling took over my insides as it always does whenever you are near. Those blue eyes caught my gaze and traveled downward to mentally examine every crease and curve of my trembling body in the moonlight. As your eyes returned to mine that breath taking smile took over your face and the feeling inside me turned from an anxious curiosity to a hungry one. I said nothing and you said nothing. You slowly undressed revealing that treasure trail that I remember following so long ago. Then you slid down in the water wearing only boxers and piercing blue eyes. Still, I said nothing and you said nothing. I felt small waves from your body entering the pool, and the warmness splashed over me as I floating in the water waiting to see what your next move would be. Suddenly you disappeared beneath me, and I held my breath. In what seemed like hours, It was must have been seconds; I felt your hand on my thigh, and I was immediately surrounded by water, my hair took flight in waves around me, and my anxious hunger grew stronger. Your hand made its way up my thigh, over my stomach, and to my neck. Our lips met, and we engaged in a warm underwater kiss. I felt your hands caressing my body and our legs intertwined. You put your hands firmly around my waist as I wrapped my legs around yours before we surfaced. We both feel the cool air over our arms and shoulders enticing this pleasurable experience. The kiss has grown hungrier. I can feel every inch of your tongue as I tried to devour and savor the taste of your lips. Your arms held me and my legs held you. My hand traveled down your cheek to your chest, then down the side of your arm tracing the tightness of your muscle. As one, we moved to the side of the pool, not thinking just lusting for one another. You kissed down my neck, and I could feel your wet face caress mine. Your arms loosened and suddenly I was sitting on the side of the pool alone and my dream ended.

ASS HOLE

ex-husband: So who are you dating now?
me: Why?
me: Who are you dating now?
ex-husband: no-one
me: Okay, who are you fucking now?
ex-husband: no-one
ex-husband: Who are you fucking now?
me: no-one
ex-husband: Would you like to meet up at your mom's house for a quickie?
me: Don't you think your wife would get pissed?

Okay let me start at the beginning.

The everyday route between school and work has become my phone time. I call and make sure all is a go with Thomas and his schedule of Momma, Nanna, Daddy, Granny, and Daycare time. I call my best friend and find out about her business, which I religiously keep a log of. I call work checking to see whats up with the boss, if he is in the office, and who the gossip is about today. I call the movies to see if there is anything interesting this week. You get the picture. Today, I called my ex-husband to make sure he remebered that he had to pick Thomas up from Daycare. We stay on a schedule with days and who picks him up, but Momma feels much better if I make that extra attempt to reassure myself. My worst fear is that he ends up the last child there after everyone has gone home, and it's just him and the teacher with the lights off and her thumbing her fingers impatiently trying to reach one of his caregivers. Anyway, after I asked my ex-husband if he remembered he was picking up Thomas from daycare, he casually asked me for a quickie. I will say that I did not cut him off short when I figured out where the conversation was going, but I am not the one married. I would love for everyone to know that this gives me great pleasure to hear my ex-husband spout out these words like he has done it 1,000 times over. You might think it's because I want him back, or that I am still in love with him. The truth is that it completely reassures me that I made the right decision to leave this man, got a lawyer, took him to court, and freed myself. Being a single mom and broke is hard enough but when you occasionally have the thought weighing on your mind that you made a mistake, it's even worse. I knew all along my husband was capable of such deception but to actually have proof is such a relief. You see... my ex-husband is a newlywed. He has been married for 13 months and already wants to cheat on her. My ex-husband is the biggest ASS HOLE this side of the Mississippi.

Thomas Joe

I wanted to post a picture of the infamous Thomas. This is my amazing little man. This picture was taken back in May at the Memphis Zoo. He was hot and mad, and momma was still making him pose for pictures.

Update

The last time I posted I was just starting school and talking to Chad. Okay school is well underway, and Chad is well off my potential list.


I am completely going out of my mind. Driving back and forth between school and work twice a day is forcing me to hate my car and go broke from high gas prices. Juggling my time between school, work, Thomas, and a social life is giving me ideas that checking myself into the nut house may not be such a bad idea. Living under the same roof with my mother has given me an entirely different perspective of how life really is better once you are entirely dependent upon yourself. Being single without anyone to talk to who really cares and wants to listen makes me long for a relationship. It seems when times get stressful and hard that that is when I really miss what it is to have someone.